Lotus Flower - Purity, enlightenment, self-regeneration, and rebirth
Nov 11, 2017 - The Beginning
A guilty pleasure of mine is watching prison documentaries, solitary confinement is a common punishment they give prisoners when they act up and It’s crazy how mental the prisoners get while they’re in solitary confinement… some will bash they’re head on the wall, yell for no reason, talk to themselves, pace their small cell. I use to think I could easily do solitary confinement…heck i thought i would even LIKE solitary confinement….lol, lies!!!
I’ve experienced my own version of solitary confinement, see…. the past year, due to depression and unemployment, I isolated myself in my room and guys….. i felt like i was in hell. I would hysterically cry often, spend days in my bed, scream at the top of my lungs, hyperventilate, over eat, call myself every name in the book….we were not meant to be alone, we were not meant to be isolated. I felt like I was dead… that pain i felt, and still feel sometimes was unbearable… wow.
that experience made me really crave intimacy…
Intimacy- a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
now… I’ve craved intimacy even before this experience but now I REALLY crave it, i NEED to experience it. I can’t feel that lonely again, i can’t go through that again!!! YOU HEAR ME WORLD, NEVER AGAIN!!
It’s hard for me to be that close to people because i’m so scared of rejection, sounding stupid, not being liked, being seen as weak etc. But something needs to change so I decided to go through this journey to intimacy where i face those fears, step out of my comfort zone and hopefully get to experience this intimacy that i’ve been searching for for so long… this is my rebirth, i’m not getting to let my fears hold me back anymore
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